It all started with a picture; a picture of an over-enthused, overfed feline. Whether by divine intervention, some sick joke, or simply one person consumed by evil and boredom, this picture was anonymously tagged with one of the most notorious captions of our time, and then hastily posted on the internet for all to see. Upon first glance, it all seemed so harmless; the caption in question being nothing more than a few lines of improper English regarding this particular feline's fleeting desire for a "cheezburger." This seemingly benign picture soon gained much notoriety, and quickly began spawning copycats (pun intended, lolz). The phenomenon birthed by this wicked image has since spread exponentially, like the plague that it is, sparing nothing in it's diabolical path. If you thought crack, meth, or heroine were bad news, think again. Welcome to the sad world of a LolCat addict.

 

        The sobering reality is, is that I didn't even realize what I was getting into... no one ever does. That is the nature of this scourge. You, your mother, and possibly your grandmother become addicted, without even knowing. This predator doesn't care which race, sex, or generation you belong to...it shows no mercy. It's just something about that cat, and that cheezburger, that drew so many of us in. It all just seemed so damn harmless and inviting. You instantly need more. "Oh how cute!, that is sooo funny," are your first thoughts... but before you know it, you're caught in this hellish web, begging to god for some kind of escape. Soon you're unable to focus on anything. You lose interest in your favorite hobbies, and old friends begin abandoning you. You see yourself becoming increasingly temperamental, yet subdued, driven by nothing more than this overwhelming desire for that next feline-fix. Holding down a normal job, marriage, or any kind of social life, soon becomes impossible. The addict is stuck in front of their computer screen, laughing to no one but themselves. This is only the start of this sad spiral.

        In no time at all, the addict starts submitting their own pictures of "cute" kitties speaking this strange language, which can only be described as somewhere in between ebonics, and something from that fat kid from South Park. Hours upon hours are spent searching through these vile photos, until the poor soul becomes totally delirious. The mania that started with a simple hungry kitty, now becomes applicable to any creature. The individual can no longer think rationally. All speech is reduced to expressions previously only used in instant messaging. The user begins spelling words incorrectly on purpose, just to make these sick fucking animal images seem like somewhat of a reality. The LolCat addict is truly is a sad sight to behold after only a few short months. Thankfully though, there is help.

        If you know a LolCat addict, or are one yourself, the first thing to do is eliminate any exposure to the LolCat community. Sites of the addict, such as ICanHasCheezburger.com or LolCats.com, should be strictly forbidden. Of course, joining a support group always helps... that's what I did. The individual must be forced to see the world from the eyes of a non-addict once again. Normal thought processes and patterns of speech will slowly, but surely, begin to reemerge. Animals, of ANY kind, should be avoided for a few months, at least. Put any pets up for adoption. The user must learn to behave as a functioning member of society once again. It's hard, and it takes time, but a somewhat-normal life is possible.

        Although it is still hard for me to look at pictures like the ones below, I feel as though I've finally conquered my addiction. If anyone needs someone to talk to who has walked in their shoes, don't hesitate to get in touch. Remember, it all starts with a picture... lyke, srsly.

If you or a friend are currently viewing images like these, it may already be too late: